Hey everyone! We are so excited to share this post with you all! Karina, Hadassah, and Honor have teamed up today to cover the subject on how to be “just friends” with a guy. It can be so overwhelming to approach guys and just be a regular person, not some “flirty” girl who throws herself at a guy and carries on like a Lydia Bennet. After we got a email from one of our dear readers, we thought it’d be nice to give all the girls out there a post on what some of us think on the subject of guys.
HOW DO I GET A GUY FRIEND WITHOUT BEING FLIRTY?
(1) Be proactive. If you want to get to know the opposite sex, sometimes you’re going to need to make the first move. No, I do not mean throwing yourself at the male population. Rather, I’m talking less drastic actions. I’m guessing, for example, that there are probably guys at your church. So next Sunday, go start a conversation with one of them. Find out about their lives and interests. If you or your friends ever have parties or get togethers, include guys too – big group settings can be a great way to develop friendships.
(2) Be open to guys. Sure, he might look SO much different then you, have different interests, a different background; but honestly, guys aren’t that tough once you start talking to them. For me, I experienced this when I judged a guy by his cover on his book. And one day, we just started talking and I realized “oh my word, I totally thought this guy was so much different then me!” Now that we’re friends, I realize just how much we have in common. If a guy approaches you, don’t shoo him off. But don’t be flirty either.
WHAT SHOULD I AVOID AND WHAT SHOULD I REMEMBER?
Karina’s advice on ways to keep guy friendships in the friend zone, is to avoid physical contact at all costs. Physical contact can sometimes lead the guy on. Also, be careful with close guy friendships because they can grow a huge bond and sometimes lead into heart ache.
(1) Do not go to your brothers in Christ for comfort, instead go to Christ because he is the great COMFORTER! Avoid intimate/heart-to-heart conversations to honor your relationship with your future spouse.
(2) Remember to be authentic. This is one of the main antidotes to that irrepressible “flirty urge” we girls sometimes get 😀 Don’t pretend to be a helpless simper-er. Don’t laugh all the time in a tone at least three octaves higher than your normal voice. Don’t act like you’re incapable of rational thought. These might sound like basic things, but if you conscientiously try them, I think you can safely avoid flirting.
(3) Remember to be approachable. I think this is the trap many wonderful Christian girls fall into. We don’t want to be shallow chasers-of-guys (which is great). So we go in the opposite direction and, any time a guy even looks like he might be in the act of trying to talk to us, we clam up, ignore him, act shocked that he approached us, or (my personal favorite) hide in the nearest gaggle of girls. While this strategy may sound tempting, don’t do it. If you truly want to be friends with a guy, you need to convey that you’re interested in his life and what he has to say. If he’s mustered up the courage to talk to you, the least you can do is make him feel comfortable (note: this does NOT mean you should go all giggly and flirtatious. Remember, you need to be authentic too 🙂 )
(4) Avoid being alone together. You may get “looks,” from other kids and you don’t want your parents to sit you down because you were caught with a guy alone in an unfortunate situation. Include this guy in group activities, especially at church; even if it is just a group conversation. Truth is, if you’re just friends with a guy too, he might actually think of you as “just a friend,” back, and not want to go through with the whole ‘awkward alone’ time guys sometimes have to go through with. Try not to wander off alone together to avoid any awkwardness. 🙂
DO I NEED A GUY FRIEND IN THE FIRST PLACE?
You may not need a guy friend, but don’t admonish guys just because they’re GUYS. Some guys are really shy of girls, but you may actually find guys are really nice to talk to and really different and fun as well. But having a “guy friend” shouldn’t be on your checklist. Guy friends are nice, but you can have guys that you just like to talk to without adding them to your “friend list,” too. 😉
1) It helps us learn what we like/don’t like about guys. This is great info to tuck away for when we start dating or courting! 😉
2) It makes life more interesting. Guys just have a different/unique perspective on life. It’s pretty fun and refreshing, not to mention it can broaden our horizons.
(3) Guys are tricky. Making a guy friend wasn’t really on my mind when I started talking a guy, but once we got to know each other, we kinda just became friends. I like him as a friend, and I was absolutely amazed at how different yet so alike guys are! They’re definitely different from girls, but they give you a whole new, fresh look on things sometimes!
(4) Brothers in Christ can provide wonderful friendships but it is important to honor God, your future spouse, and his future spouse in the process. If you remember to do these things, being friendly will come easier than being flirtatious. 🙂
THINGS YOU SHOULD REMEMBER:
Don’t worry about it! God knows what He’s doing, and if it’s His Will, there’s no stopping it. 😉
REMEMBER TO PRAY ABOUT IT!
Most of the girls at Joyfully You pray for their future husband every night, and we believe every girl should. Pray about all the guys in your life, and pray about your friendship if you have a guy friend. God’s listening. Always!
So there you have it! This list is by no means exhaustive, and certainly not perfect. However, these are thing that we like to remember and avoid with our Brothers in Christ. We wish you well on your journey!
Karina, Hadassah, and Honor ❤