Dealing With Crushes & Guys
We’re covering a scary topic today, y’all. Haha. Maybe not so scary. When we got an email from a reader a week or so ago on dealing with all the drama of guys, crushes, etc., Honor wrote her back and I (Hadassah) thought it’d be awesome if we wrapped it into a post for you all. Honestly, there’s so much you can cover on this topic! But Honor did a wonderful job!
I (Honor here) totally understand the situation of having a crush on a guy! And I’ve been there quite often (what girl hasn’t?). After a long process of trial and error – with emphasis on the “error”… I’ve learned a few things that might be helpful. This doesn’t mean I’ve always followed these tips… but when I have, everything’s gone a whole lot better than when I haven’t. 🙂 Before I go any further, though, there are two things that I think are so very important to remember whenever we’re dealing with crushes…
1. God has it completely under control.
It’s easy to lose perspective when it comes to boys. If you’re anything like me, it can be easy to go down the path of laying awake for hours at night, thinking “what if he doesn’t like me…what if what I said at the picnic last week made him think x, and now y is going to happen, and I’ll be alone for the rest of my life!” Maybe the last bit was rather melodramatic, but you get the idea. The best antidote to this is to remember that God has it all planned out, and He knows exactly what’s best for you! If God’s planned for this young man to be your lifelong companion, there is nothing you can do to mess it up. And if He hasn’t… there’s nothing you can do to change that, either! Keeping this in perspective can help keep us from getting emotional and stressed and panicky.
2. Having feelings for a guy is not wrong.
God created us, a girls, to want an emotional connection. He gave us these feelings to eventually help us find someone to spend our lives with, to reflect Christ’s relationship with His church, and to provide a companion for life – isn’t that amazing? In the meantime, however… as teenage girls, we’re not ready to get married yet. But we still have to deal with these feelings, which can be obnoxious. Here’s the thing to remember – you can’t control the feelings… but you can control your response. That being said, here are some practical strategies I’ve picked up:
1. Pray (for him). Obviously, as Christian girls, we should be praying. And especially praying for our future spouses. And if you have a crush on a guy…it could just be that God is showing you that he needs prayer. So anytime you find yourself thinking about him throughout the day (which, if you’re anything like me, is probably fairly often), let it be your reminder to pray for him. And I don’t mean the prayer that goes, “Please let us get married and have seventeen children.” I mean the kind that does not involve you at all. Pray for his future, his present, any endeavors he’s attempting, anything you might know he’s struggling with – turn all that energy and emotions into constantly surrounding him with prayer.
2. Talk to your parents. I don’t know about you, but for me, this is easily the most terrifying thing on the list. It’s not a very rational fear, but it’s there. I was scared that my parents would laugh at me or get upset with me for having a crush. But the truth is, in this battle, your parents are your biggest allies! And they will have way better advice for you than I will, because they’ve got way more experience, they love you, and they know you better than anyone else! Open up to them. They can help talk through what you’re feeling, set up guidelines and boundaries, and give you advice. Being open with them is one of the absolute best things you can do, and trust me, it will feel like a huge weight off your shoulders.
3. Friendship is (probably not) off the table. I don’t know your specific situation, and all families are different, so this one may not apply to you. However, if it’s okay with your family standards, getting to know this guy (not flirting or trying to arrange a relationship!!), can be a really good thing. It helps you figure out what you like and don’t like about him, and it can even help temper the “crush-y” feelings.
4. Learn all you can for later. Obviously, as teenagers, we’re not quite ready to get married. But it’s never too early to start tucking away some information for when we are! So talk with your parents, and figure out what you like about this guy. Are there particular character traits that attract you? What makes him attractive to you? Whether you end up with him, or a totally different guy, knowing these things will be really useful for when you’re ready to date/court…
5. Pray. Even if you try your best to do everything right, you will mess up. A lot. It’s part of being a fallen human. There will be times when you’re so confused and uncertain and angsty and you just want to cry for a few hours. In those times, the prayer that I have found myself repeating over and over is “God, help me. I’m dumb and I don’t know what I’m doing and I really, really need Your wisdom.” And guess what? He’s promised to give it to you. Rely on Him, and He will give you the strength and wisdom you need. He’s got everything planned out, in the way that will be best for you – and that includes your relationships (Romans 8:28). Lean on Him, trust Him, and know that His plans are always perfect!
Some More Thoughts…
Wow. Can I just say I love all of Honor’s advice? And that I’d wish I’d had it 3+ years ago? XD
I (Hadassah) can’t say I’m as experienced as Honor since she’s older than I am, but I would love to add some thoughts in there in my own words… 🙂
1. How can I be just friends with a guy without all that heartache/feeling stuff?
Girl! It’s hard. We wrote a post on this topic a while ago (link here), and I still go back and read it quite often to refresh my mind. Haha xD I’d encourage you to as well!
a) Avoid physical touch. We’re girls! We’re used to hugging each other. But by avoiding all that with guys (even hugging, yes), it’ll help in just be good friends without all the heartache.
b) Remember your futures. It’s important to have friendships with guys, but we need to honor our future husband, his future wife, and Jesus most importantly! If you remember that you probably aren’t going to be his future wife (and if you are, Jesus will tell you in His time later in the future), then it’ll be a lot easier just to be good friends with a guy. I love what Senait said:
“I might suggest one thing my mom told me once that was really helpful for me! If you struggle with a crush on a guy, and you just need some practical “boundary” for how you act and think about him, she told me, to just imagine in 5/10 years if this young man introduces you to his wife (not you 😉 ), and ask yourself “Could I look her in the eye and have no regrets about past actions/thoughts towards this guy?” Yeah, a really tough question, but I thought it was super helpful for trying to figure out the difference between “just friends” and what letting your emotions take control.”
2. Pray for your future husband!
I’ve been doing this for a couple of years, and it’s honestly helped so much! I pray for his day, for his future, that he is being prepared for the role of being a husband and (hopefully!) a father, and then I usually pray for my future and our future future together (haha), and that I’d be learning every day how to be a one-day wife and- hopefully– a mama.
The end line, y’all? God knows what He’s doing. He’ll always be there. If He has someone for you, He’ll give him to you in His own time. Trust & pray!
Honor & Hadassah ❤
photo credits // Karina S. (photo 01: Senait, photo 02: Savannah)