I hope that you are all having a very merry and blessed Christmas season full of loved ones, blessings, and food! I know I have so much to be thankful for!!!
I really enjoyed the couple post written a while ago about how to be just friends with guys. I loved the biblical and sisterly advice and wisdom!!! You are all amazing!
However, recently, my older sister, Hannah, challenged me to really think about that question more. Can a girl really just be friends with a guy? Hannah is always so sweet to guys and, in her experience, all of them started to have a crush on her. From her perspective there is no such thing as a purely “Just friends” guy-girl relationship.
This started me wondering. For awhile, after some of my own personal experiences, I too stopped believing that such an innocent, no attraction friendship on both ends could be possible. Guys and girls are literally so different and have a completely different mindset. If I was completely just being a friend, he always seemed to catch feelings (and it worked vice versa as well). If I have absolutely no feelings for him, how do I know that he is on the same page? Some women are completely convinced that this is not a good thing. For me it seemed like just a dangerous game of emotions that I didn’t want to play.
***(I still believe that, as far as discipleship goes, a man needs to be discipled by a man, and a woman needs to be discipled by a woman. There are just too many “what ifs” and possible distractions. 😉
All of these thoughts and questions brought me back to where I should have been and eventually do go. I opened my Bible to do some digging around in there. And now I want to share some of my thoughts and findings with you!
I started with the ‘Master’ … Jesus.
Jesus had female friends. Mary and Martha are mentioned several times in Scripture. Jesus went to their house, and these women sought Him out when their brother, Lazarus, died. He came to be their comforter. John 11:5 says, “Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.”
Mary Magdalene was also Jesus’ friend. She spent a lot of time with Jesus. Like a good friend, she cared for His needs when He faced the crucifixion (Matt. 27:55–56), was one of the first to visit His tomb after He died (Matt. 28:1), and was among the first to see Him resurrected (Matt. 28:9–10). Mary was a faithful friend.
If we’re looking for the approval for friendships with the opposite gender, we can find it in the example of Jesus. But we can’t stop there.
It is very true that Jesus had female friends, but the friends that Jesus spent the vast majority of time with were men. He poured most of his time and energy into his twelve disciples. When it came to his intimate relationships, Jesus proceeded with caution.
Proverbs 12:26 warns us that “a righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”
We need to be careful when it comes to girl/guy relationships. These relationships can quickly merge into a blossoming romance without a bit of warning. We have to protect our hearts in ALL situations, even in our friendships. Tugging each other’s heartstrings under the guise of friendship is a bad idea. A ‘friendship’ full of flirtations, emotions, and strong feelings is probably foolish. (Not to be too harsh.) But a good, honest platonic friendship (especially in cases where a guy really encourages and challenges your faith) can be a blessing from God.
My parents are okay with this type of friendship as long as we are not alone. They think large groups of people are best. I would not be allowed to meet with a guy one on one, but I could if I had about three friends and he had friends with him as well. As single girls, it is probably wise to put some parameters on your friendships with guys.
Matthew 18:20 says, “Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in the midst of them.”
*A common problem*
It can be easy to talk very freely to your guy friend about everything. This is definitely not wise! There are many topics that require discretion and should be off the table for guy/girl conversations. Sometimes I cringe when girls talk to guys about girly things. I don’t think this talk is right when protecting your heart or his. My rule is if I don’t want to talk to my dad about this subject, I shouldn’t talk about it with my guy friends. Point to remember: some things should just be discussed and giggled over with your girl friends.
Proverbs 10:19 says, “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.”
Real friends care for and serve each other when things get tough and also point each other towards Christ. This is the true friendships that God loves. And if that is you, great!
However, gals please promise me that you won’t surround yourselves with guy “friends” with the wrong motives. No lie, there is something exciting about being surrounded by a group of guys. But don’t hide under the title ‘friends’, when you are secretly doodling his name in your journal… hoping that sometime something more will form in your relationship.
“‘All things are lawful,’ but not all things are helpful,” (1 Corinthians 10:23).
Is your relationship helpful? Or is it pointless/ foolish? What is good for some is not profitable for all — and may be harmful. I am challenged to think about this when it comes to these types of friendships.
The last thing I want to emphasize is that God is all powerful and all knowing. He can do anything and loves his daughters (and sons) very much. He sent his son to die for us!!!
TALK TO YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THIS.
He can take your relationships and transform them into truly pure, beautiful, and sinless things. Just ask Him. On another note… If something in these relationships doesn’t go well and starts to shift, GO TO HIM! Pray and seek His perfect advice on what to do. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of this! (He also gave you a thing called parents to help Him out with advising and loving on you) 🙂
Jeremiah 21:12 says, “Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.”
I hope this post helped you as you try to discover truth about guy/girl relationships. Remember to seek first his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!!!! (Can you believe Christmas is here already?)
Many Blessings and Prayers from a Sister in Christ!